About two weeks ago, I started noticing ads for a movie that opens Thanksgiving Day. It is the soft-focus, romantic holiday comedy, “Ninja Assassin.” Too bad the ad is filled with deadly throwing stars and knife-wielding, wall-walking martial artists who kick people in the face and gut enemies in super slow-mo. What could say “Thanksgiving” more than “Ninja Assassin”?
Maybe “The Road,” a movie about a dying man and his son as they trek through the barren waste of what used to be America, escaping from roving gangs of starving survivors who are trying to eat them. Wow, talk about the feel-good movie of the year. And just the kind of thing you want to see after eating a big, heavy meal. Bring the kids, they’ll love it!
“Hurry up and pass the turkey, we’ve got to get to the theater before all the good seats are taken.”
Another movie that will be ready for the holidays is “2012.” In case you’ve missed it, according to the Mayan calendar, the world as we know it is supposed to end on Dec. 21, 2012. Oh, those Mayans. They were right about so many things — human sacrifice, bragging about how much gold they had to those nice conquistadores, not buying land in Cancun when it was going at price — they’ve got to be right about this one. But isn’t believing that the world will end just because the Mayan calendar stops kind of like believing the world will end in January, because this year’s wall calendar only goes up to December?
If you believe the Mayan calendar is right and the world will end in December 2012, what would you do with your remaining time on Earth? Quit your job? Run for the hills? Max out your credit cards? Build a bomb shelter? Make peace with your maker? Or spend several years making a $100 million movie spectacular about it?
I like a good action film with lots of death and destruction as much as the next guy, but to call these movies “holiday releases” makes you think that “Ninja Assassin” might somehow, someway, be a holiday movie in the tradition of “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Miracle on 34th Street” or “Holiday Inn”; that “The Road” might be another “ The Bells of St. Mary’s” or “The Bishop’s Wife,” or “White Christmas.” With holiday films like “Ninja” and “The Road,” you have to wonder just how long it will be before movie producers start saying things like: “Every time you see a spectacular car crash, an angel gets his wings.”
I’m not against violence in movies. Trust me, I would be the first in line to buy a ticket for “A Very Brady Reunion Massacre” or “Macaulay Culkin’s Die Alone,” but maybe there’s a more appropriate day to release them than Thanksgiving. Like Mother’s Day.
Jim Mullen is the author of “It Takes a Village Idiot: Complicating the Simple Life” and “Baby’s First Tattoo.” You can reach him at jim_mullen@myway.com
Columns
Related Photos
Enjoy the gift of corpses this holiday season
- Columns
-
-
Slowly but Surely
How was your Super Bowl Weekend? Mallorie and I had a full schedule as we attended the “Krewe of Docs” hosted by Oncologics to benefit the American Cancer Society Saturday night. The event was held here in Downtown Laurel and everyone did a great job. The Cowboy Blues Band played the night away and fun was had by all. We got geared up again Sunday night for Super Bowl festivities. After our Saints fell short against the 49ers, I was less than excited about this year’s big game. I picked a favorite anyway and my allegiance fell on the shoulders of Eli and the Giants. It was a great game to watch as a football fan and as always the commercials were pretty great too.
-
Economic Chaos Ahead
Let’s think about the kind of mess that we’re in. Federal 2010 Medicare and Medicaid expenditures totaled $800 billion. The projected annual growth of both programs is about 7 percent. Social Security expenditures are more than $700 billion a year. According to the 2009 Social Security and Medicare trustees reports, by 2030, 49 percent of federal revenues will go for Social Security and Medicare payments. The unfunded liability of both programs is already $106 trillion.
-
Are people really retiring later?
True or false? You may have heard this claim before (or something like it): “Many Americans are being forced to retire later because their savings and investments took a hit in the Great Recession.”
-
Dead Mice Tell No Tales
“What’s that smell?” Sue asked from the front hall. “Is that a dead mouse?”
Sometimes I cannot help myself. “Is it?” I said. “I just thought you were cooking dinner.” Some people cannot take a joke. My shoulder still hurts. -
Around It or Through It
Recently, I had an irritation and wanted to go around it, but that is not how the story goes. I had a huge ulcer in my cheek; I was miserable and asked a doctor to help my pain. Instead of giving me a cure, He told me that I would be fine in a couple of weeks. That was not what I wanted to hear; I was in pain and a couple of weeks sounded like an eternity!
-
Northeast Jones grads doing well in sports world
Justin Cooley was approved Monday night by the Smith County school board as the new head football coach at Raleigh High School.
-
Health Care Trust Fund headed to a zero balance
A new Republican governor and new Republican legislative leadership now face the same task that has confounded their Democratic colleagues when they had the reins of state government – finding a way to pay for Mississippi’s massive Medicaid program.
-
Running as a businessman could be Romney’s curse
Mitt Romney has based nearly his entire presidential campaign on his experience as a businessman. “I spent my career in the private sector,” Romney told Fox News in late November. “I think that’s what the country needs right now.”
-
Reducing state teen pregnancy
In his State of the State address, Gov. Phil Bryant set out as a policy for his administration to tackle the issue of teen pregnancy — a formidable goal.
-
Sexes’ Differences Good for Valentine’s Day
Get this: men and women are different.
Italian researchers made this “groundbreaking” discovery in a recent study. - More Columns Headlines
-
Obama Scraps Birth Control Mandate
US Airmen's Killer Sentenced to Life in Germany
Raw Video: Deadly Blasts in Syria
Romney Slams President Obama at CPAC
Gingrich: Pres. Obama 'waging War on Religion'
Navy Names Ship for Gabrielle Giffords
5 Killed in Wrong-way Crash on I-10 in La.
Denver's Largest-Ever Drug Bust Nets Dozens
Marines: No Punishment for Nazi-like Flag
Vets Look to Translate Military Skills Into Jobs
Raw Video: School Bus Burst Into Flames
LA School Reopens Amid Sex Abuse Scandal
$25B Settlement Reached Over Foreclosure Abuses
Pentagon: Allow Women Closer to Front Lines
LA School in Sex Abuse Scandal Reopens
Raw Video: Italy's Mount Etna Bursts Into Life
Greeks March; Angry Despite Debt Deal
Air Force Airlines: Leaders Get Polished Service
Ga Girl Fights Off Kidnapper at Walmart
Skip the Coffee Cup and Inhale Your Caffeine Fix
